Random Jokes
- Thread starter Bix
- Start date
-
Click here to become an Official Member of BMW Club Malaysia Download Form
infinityKL
Club Guest
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2007
- Messages
- 3,562
- Points
- 0
Proof that Men Have Better Friends...
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
infinityKL
Club Guest
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2007
- Messages
- 3,562
- Points
- 0
climenta;439140 said:Check the dailies today. Man came home late after MANure game, told his wife he had TT till late. Ended up geting stabbed by the wife
OMG, what's with women la?
yeah yeah, i read that and my women came to my mind...hahah.. always go back mabuk la me!!
infinityKL
Club Guest
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2007
- Messages
- 3,562
- Points
- 0
mastercard wedding, sorry lazy to upload the pics..
You got to love this guy...
This is a true story about a recent
wedding that took place at Clemson University .
It was in the local newspaper and even
Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage
with a microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said he wanted to thank
everyone for coming, many from
long distances, to support them
at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family
and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation
he said he wanted to give everyone
a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of
everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.
He said this was his gift to
everyone, and asked them to
open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy
of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious
of them weeks earlier and had
hired a private detective to tail
them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions
for a couple of minutes, he
turned to the best man and
said, 'F---you!' Then he turned
to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'
Then he turned to the
dumbfounded crowd and said,
'I'm outta here.'
He had the marriage annulled
first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding
immediately after finding out
about the affair, this
guy goes through with the
charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a
300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the
bride's and best man's reputations
in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless'
commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception
for 300 family members and
friends: $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
Deluxe two-week
honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500.
The look on everyone's face
when they see the 8x10 glossy
of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.
There are some things money
can't buy, for everything else
there's MASTERCARD
You got to love this guy...
This is a true story about a recent
wedding that took place at Clemson University .
It was in the local newspaper and even
Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage
with a microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said he wanted to thank
everyone for coming, many from
long distances, to support them
at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family
and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation
he said he wanted to give everyone
a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of
everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.
He said this was his gift to
everyone, and asked them to
open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy
of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious
of them weeks earlier and had
hired a private detective to tail
them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions
for a couple of minutes, he
turned to the best man and
said, 'F---you!' Then he turned
to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'
Then he turned to the
dumbfounded crowd and said,
'I'm outta here.'
He had the marriage annulled
first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding
immediately after finding out
about the affair, this
guy goes through with the
charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a
300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the
bride's and best man's reputations
in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless'
commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception
for 300 family members and
friends: $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
Deluxe two-week
honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500.
The look on everyone's face
when they see the 8x10 glossy
of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.
There are some things money
can't buy, for everything else
there's MASTERCARD
XXX
Founding Member
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2004
- Messages
- 6,055
- Points
- 48
Husband walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I'll not put it on, do the modelling naked and return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund for myself".
So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Bloody hell! It wasn't that creased in the shop".
His funeral is this Thursday.
He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I'll not put it on, do the modelling naked and return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund for myself".
So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Bloody hell! It wasn't that creased in the shop".
His funeral is this Thursday.
datsunnismo
Club Guest
- Joined
- Oct 26, 2007
- Messages
- 695
- Points
- 18
Ah Beng is Chicken seller. the selling price per live chicken is $10.00.
one day he went out from shop and advice his wife his friend will come and will take 3 chickens and pay the money. soon after he left his friens came took the chickens and just paid $25.00.
after ah beng came back to shop....
ah beng: did my friend came?
wife: yes honey and here's the cash $25.00
Ah beng: oh shit. he FUCKED you up. he paid less!!!!!
wife: (after quite for seconds) no honey he paid extra $10.00 for that...
Ah Beng: ^%^&&*(&(*^&&%
one day he went out from shop and advice his wife his friend will come and will take 3 chickens and pay the money. soon after he left his friens came took the chickens and just paid $25.00.
after ah beng came back to shop....
ah beng: did my friend came?
wife: yes honey and here's the cash $25.00
Ah beng: oh shit. he FUCKED you up. he paid less!!!!!
wife: (after quite for seconds) no honey he paid extra $10.00 for that...
Ah Beng: ^%^&&*(&(*^&&%
datsunnismo
Club Guest
- Joined
- Oct 26, 2007
- Messages
- 695
- Points
- 18
dirty joke: stupid family
a family of four.... dady, mom, bro and a sis.
one day dad and mom went to work. while sister went to tuition class.
the brother watching porn and playing with little john with the house door open. suddently the sis came home and watch brother watching porn. brother was shocked. they look at each others and get horny and do sex.
sister said to the brother: brother, u're performing better than our daddy.
the brother got shocked and said: yeah, mom told me tht before.
whts the moral of the story?
a family of four.... dady, mom, bro and a sis.
one day dad and mom went to work. while sister went to tuition class.
the brother watching porn and playing with little john with the house door open. suddently the sis came home and watch brother watching porn. brother was shocked. they look at each others and get horny and do sex.
sister said to the brother: brother, u're performing better than our daddy.
the brother got shocked and said: yeah, mom told me tht before.
whts the moral of the story?
unstopables_7
Official Member
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2009
- Messages
- 832
- Points
- 63
datsunnismo;439640 said:
hahaha..wat a family uh..?
infinityKL
Club Guest
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2007
- Messages
- 3,562
- Points
- 0
Subject: Best divorce letter !!
Dear Husband,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk
panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching
all of your shows.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that
connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't
love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-wife
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain
together! Have a great life!
*********************************************************************
Dear EX-wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a
good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my shows so much
because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that
doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a boy'! Since my mother raised me not
to say anything if you can't say something nice, didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with my brother, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk panties: I turned away from you because the ￡49.99
price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that
my brother had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought
us two tickets to Jamaica ..
But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born
Caroline. I hope that's not a problem.
Dear Husband,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk
panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching
all of your shows.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that
connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't
love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-wife
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain
together! Have a great life!
*********************************************************************
Dear EX-wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a
good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my shows so much
because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that
doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a boy'! Since my mother raised me not
to say anything if you can't say something nice, didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with my brother, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk panties: I turned away from you because the ￡49.99
price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that
my brother had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought
us two tickets to Jamaica ..
But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born
Caroline. I hope that's not a problem.
A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."
The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."
The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
infinityKL
Club Guest
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2007
- Messages
- 3,562
- Points
- 0
Thoughts from Man's heart
Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too where he is going.
Thought 3
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached
the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed
something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to
the father by the bride..
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to
divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :
'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he
raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My
daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'
The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . . But
not the poor Groom ! ! !
Thought 4
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you
take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more
step a car will run over you, and you will die.'
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the
corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you?'
'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.
'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where the Hell were you when I got
married?'
Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too where he is going.
Thought 3
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached
the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed
something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to
the father by the bride..
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to
divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :
'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he
raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My
daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'
The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . . But
not the poor Groom ! ! !
Thought 4
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you
take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more
step a car will run over you, and you will die.'
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the
corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you?'
'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.
'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where the Hell were you when I got
married?'
mizhan
Member
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2007
- Messages
- 8,513
- Points
- 0
I e-meow U, U e-meow me
Somebody please forward this to the goons at the ministry of education. They should expect the same 'engrand' from our generation 'Y' few years from now.
Dear Ah Lian
Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.
You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.
Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years Annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.
I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me.
I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye.....
Worm regard,
Ah Beng
Somebody please forward this to the goons at the ministry of education. They should expect the same 'engrand' from our generation 'Y' few years from now.
Dear Ah Lian
Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.
You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.
Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years Annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.
I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me.
I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye.....
Worm regard,
Ah Beng
nazrie
Club Guest
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2005
- Messages
- 785
- Points
- 0
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!'
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog..
Then, it was already 1P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 09 P.M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
This has been voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!
If you agree, send it to all your friends who would enjoy this!!!!!
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!'
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog..
Then, it was already 1P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 09 P.M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
This has been voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!
If you agree, send it to all your friends who would enjoy this!!!!!
VKS
Club Guest
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2007
- Messages
- 667
- Points
- 16
The MARRIAGE
The MARRIAGE :top:
Definition: the social institution under which a man and woman (in love) establish their decision to live
as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc., and live happily
ever after...or...
A closer look.
Fact or fiction (you make the call):
1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
2. After marriage, husband and wife becomes two sides of a coin...they can't face each other,
but, they still stay together.
3. Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
either the car is new or the wife is.
5. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
6. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something she says.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before she finish.
7. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
8. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, that is LOVE.
After marriage, that is SELF DEFENSE.
9. A wife becomes a "SEX OBJECT" when every time the husband asks for sex, she objects.
10. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
11. There are two four-letter words that are offensive to men in marriage - "don't" and "stop",
unless, they are used together.
12. Marriage is an institution where the man loses his Bachelor's Degree and
the woman gets her Master's Degree.
13. In marriage, a man can have words with his wife, but, a woman can have paragraphs with her husband.
14. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
15. There are 3 stages of SEX in a married life: Tri-weekly, try weekly and try weakly.
16. LOVE is a long sweet dream; MARRIAGE is the alarm clock.
17. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But, when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
18. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence...a LIFE SENTENCE.
Testimonials:
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "Wow! This stuff really Works!"
Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China , a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her!
Dad: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!!!
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, 'I never want to
live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluid from a bottle. If that ever happens, just
pull the plug'. She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my beer! She is such a bitch!
The great question...which I have not been able to answer...is, what does a woman want? -Sigmund Freud
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." - Patrick Murray
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle
My wife and I were very happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
The MARRIAGE :top:
Definition: the social institution under which a man and woman (in love) establish their decision to live
as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc., and live happily
ever after...or...
A closer look.
Fact or fiction (you make the call):
1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
2. After marriage, husband and wife becomes two sides of a coin...they can't face each other,
but, they still stay together.
3. Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
either the car is new or the wife is.
5. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
6. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something she says.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before she finish.
7. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
8. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, that is LOVE.
After marriage, that is SELF DEFENSE.
9. A wife becomes a "SEX OBJECT" when every time the husband asks for sex, she objects.
10. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
11. There are two four-letter words that are offensive to men in marriage - "don't" and "stop",
unless, they are used together.
12. Marriage is an institution where the man loses his Bachelor's Degree and
the woman gets her Master's Degree.
13. In marriage, a man can have words with his wife, but, a woman can have paragraphs with her husband.
14. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
15. There are 3 stages of SEX in a married life: Tri-weekly, try weekly and try weakly.
16. LOVE is a long sweet dream; MARRIAGE is the alarm clock.
17. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But, when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
18. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence...a LIFE SENTENCE.
Testimonials:
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "Wow! This stuff really Works!"
Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China , a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her!
Dad: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!!!
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, 'I never want to
live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluid from a bottle. If that ever happens, just
pull the plug'. She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my beer! She is such a bitch!
The great question...which I have not been able to answer...is, what does a woman want? -Sigmund Freud
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." - Patrick Murray
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle
My wife and I were very happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
