Post Election jokes.....

[Don Franco]

A 72-year-old Indian politician who lost in the recent 2008 election went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 72-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?"The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story."I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large wild boar sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the wild boar fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.The 72-year-old Indian politician said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that wild boar."The doctor replied, "My point exactly."***********************************************************Chua Soi Lek quit politics after his sex scandal. Since he had a talent for pumping, he decided he will go into the petrol business. There, he reckons he can still pump a little, and for once be paid for it.As a politician, he had talent. But selling petrol wasn't something he was trained for so sales was slow. One day, he decided to put up a promotion to increase his sales. So, he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."Soon Zam pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. Doc Chua told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he wouldget his free sex. Zam guessed 8, and Doc Chua said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."A week later, Zam, along with his UMNO friend Khairy, pulled in foranother fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. Doc Chua again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Zam guessed 2 this time. Doc Chua said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."As they were driving away, Khairy said to Zam, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."Zam replied, "No it ain't, KJ. It's not rigged at all. My wife won twice last week."*********************************************************Two old retired politicians decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. Chan Kong Choy was dumped because of the Port Klang Fiasco and Samy Vellu was dumped when a bridge collapsed, killing 100 Indians. Nothing to do, they took a lot of drinks and ended up at the local brothel, managed by a part-time florist.The Madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to herManager, "Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll oneach bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of mygirls on them. They won't know the difference."The Manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs to takecare of their business.As they are walking home, the Chan Kong Choy says, "You know, I think my girl was dead!""Dead?" says Samy Vellu, "Why do you say that?""Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her."Samy Vellus says, "Could be worse - I think mine was a witch.""A witch, why the hell would you say that?""Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave hera little bite, then she farted and flew out the window, taking my teethwith her."*********************************************************Have a good day! :wink:

 

[AlexNg]

wahahahahhahahahaa

 

[redbaron]

:24::24::24::24::24:Hello you dirty fellow good one

 

[mikeyew]

LOL.....That's the best jokes I ever had this year. :top:

 

[berserkdroid]

"I gave her
a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window, taking my teeth
with her."

HAHAHAHAHA! GOLD! :24: :24:

 

[Jay Bigbang]

Pwahahahahahaha...a good one dude!!!! :24: :24: :24: :24:

 

[QD250]

Good One!!!

 

[selvahraje46]

got this over the mail..farneyyyyyy..kekekeke

Subject: Pak Lah and the geng's last cabinet meeting.


Pak Lah: This is the last meeting we are going to have before I make my decision on who our candidates are. First of all, I would like to thank Keng Yaik and Affendi for voluntarily backing out. You are truly gentlemen. Anyone else wants to back out? Think of the party, not of yourself.

Najib: I think Samy should back out la.

Samy: Apa pasai? Why you think I should back out? Why not you?

Najib: You are a liability to MIC and BN la Samy, accept it la.

Samy: What do you mean liability? Give me proof?

Hisham: Ayo Samy, our intelligence report say, we will lose almost 100% of Indian votes if you still lead MIC. If you get lost, maybe we can bring it down to 60%.

Samy: Pakla, don't listen to this two young punks la. Let me read this report just sent to me.After extensive intelligence gathering, we find that 20% of the Indians hated Samy Velu. Ha, only 20% la, where got 100%?

Nazri: Hey Samy I also got the same report la. Why don't you continue?

Samy: Okay, I'll continue,40% cannot stand to see his face and 35% will kill him if they were to meet him. 5% believe that he is a good leader. Ha, I still got 5% what?

Pak Lah: Come on la Samy, you've been around for a long time already; you have made your money. You are even richer than me, so back out la. Think of the party la Samy.

Samy: Yes, I am richer than you but Najib, 2 deals only is already richer than me, why not ask him also to go? His submarine and Sukhoi and Altantunya also make him a liability what.

Pak Lah: I know that one, but he is from UMNO, that is the difference. The Malays will accept corrupt Malay leaders, as long as they potong, its okay.

Samy: Oh, kalu chunik potong kalu, berapa banyak rasuah pun takpa ka? Mana adil ini macam Pakla?

Najib: That is the way it is in this country Samy. We all from UMNO got immunity, you people, tadak potong punya, don't.

Samy: No, saya akan tetap bertanding.

Kayveas: Adei Samy, listen to them la, what they say is true la. Don't talk about justice all la, as if you are concerned about justice. This is not the place to be talking about justice la old man. We want to win. If that means you will be dropped then so be it.

Samy: Dei Kayveas, you just shut up la. You budak lagi la, you apa tau? What you want to be champions of the Indians ka? If I am forced to back out, I make sure you go down with me. Hey, Mahathir also cannot force me out la.

Kayveas: Tengok Pakla, tadak guna punya Hindu. Think of himself only. Just shoot him la Pakla, don't give chance. Najib, itu C4 lagi ada ka? Mari kita sekarang taroh itu C4 sama dia. Cilaka punya orang.

Keng Yaik: Samy ah, enough la. So long already you in the cabinet. You want to stay until you die ka? What you think they will bury you in the Makam Pahlawan ka? Every time people curse you la. Now even your own race cannot stand you, give up la Samy. Come join me la. We all retire. After all, we are not sure if we are going to win this time around. BN also not sure going to win or not.

Pak Lah: What are you talking about Kheng Yaik? Why you say like that? Lu jaga lu punya mulut ah Apek.

Keng Yaik:No la Pak Lah, If everyone wants to deny us 2/3 majority, then all of them would not vote us la. We may lose more than just 1/3 la. Haiya, that one also cannot see ah?

Pak Lah: Maybe the Chinese or Indians la Keng Yaik, not the Malays la. The Malays love UMNO.

Keng Yaik: Are you sure ah Pak Lah? Now even the Chinese and Indians are willing to vote PAS if it is the only opposition available to them, don't you think that there would be Malays willing to vote DAP? Don't be foolish la Pak Lah. Until now still cannot get Kelantan despite all the dirty tricks. Who are majority voters in Kelantan? Malys la, some more what.

Pak Lah: Betoi ka dia kata tu Najib?

Najib: Jangan dengar cakap orang tua penyembur tu la Pak lah. Orang Melayu takkan lupa UMNO punya. Orang Melayu rela mati untuk UMNO

Nazri: Ntah la, ada lojik jugak cakap Keng Yaik tu. Memang la orang Melayu rela mati untuk UMNO tapi rela ka dia mati untuk kita?

Pak Lah: Apa yang orang Melayu tak puaih hati lagi dengan kita? Kita bagi macam-macam kat depa, apa lagi dia mau?

Kah Ting: Lu mau tau ka? Dia olang tengok sumua itu UMNO punya olang besar manyak kaya. Bikin lumah banyak besar. Keleta 4, 5, sumua mahal-mahal punya. Dulu punya Melayu punya UMNO punya olang tak buat itu macam. Kalau dia kaya pun, dia tak tunjuk sama olang. Sekalang punya UMNO punya olang manyak sombong oh. Dia kaya, dia selalu tunjuk. Dia tak takot punya. Itu olang Melayu biasa tak suka la ini macam punya sombong punya olang.

Nazri: Apa, salah ka dia beli rumah besar dan kereta besar? Apa orang Cina saja ka buleh beli rumah besar. Pak Lah, letak Kah Ting kat Tanjong tengok. Jom kita tengok orang Cina suka kat dia ka tak?

Keng Yaik: Tak salah, tapi baru 2, 3 hari jadi menteri sudah kaya ka? Dia punya gaji berapa? Dulu jaga gate keretapi sekarang boleh bikin Istana, orang tak heran ka la Pak Lah? Your weakness ah, is that you think the Malays are stupid. They are not la Pak Lah. Many have opened their eyes la. Many are not ignorant anymore.

Pak Lah: Alah, kalau kalah pun, kalah sikit saja.

Keng Yaik: Sorry ha Pak Lah if I say something. You have been sleeping too much, you have lost touch with reality.

Pak Lah: I think ah Keng Yaik, you don't resign la. This year you stand in Permatang Pauh, mau ka?

Samy: Pak Lah, saya macam mana?

Pak Lah: Meeting adjourn la, semua balik dulu. Saya mengantok ni. Nanti lain kali la.

 

[Bailey]

good one don hehehehehe

 

[climenta]

farney one la brudder don. let's keep this thread going:thefinger:

 

[mnk]

hehehee... damn farny lah..!!!