The attractive young girl was about to go to bed with her blind date for the evening when she broke into tears. "I'm afraid you'll get the wrong idea about me," she sobbed. "I'm really not that kind of girl."
"Don't worry," he comforted her. "I believe you."
"You're the first one," she gulped.
"The first one who make love with you?"
"No. The first one to believe me," she said.
Two partners in a law firm, Jack and Jim, engaged a very well endowed and sexy secretary. They tried hard to bed her from her first day at work but were unsuccessful. However, as time progressed Jim managed to score with her and the nest day, his partner, Jack asked, "So how's it?" " Better than your wife," Jim answered. Some time later Jack also got to score with her and this time Jim Asked, "So how's it? Jack answered, "You were right. She's better than my wife. And She's better than your wife, too."
An Asian girl married an Englishman. Life during the first few days in England wa terrible as she could not speak English. She had to resort to lots of gesturing and mumbling in order to make herself understood. One day, for example, when she wanted to buy pork leg, she had to lift her skirt to show her thigh to let the butcher know what she wanted. And the next day, when she wanted to buy chicken breast, she unbuttoned ger blouse and gestured to her chest. Then when she wanted to buy sausage, she brought along her husband .............
If you think she showed a part of her husband's anatomy, you are Wrong. You see, her husband could speak English.
This old man of eighty-five went to his doctor and said that each time he made love he could feel his bones ache and his breath became short and irregular. The doctor did the customary examination, then turned to the man and said, " At your age, it isn't unsual to have the symptoms you describe. I would say you are perfectly normal and there os nothing to worry." As an after thought, he asked, "But, how often do you get this feeling?" The old man answered wothout a shudder, "Four times lasst night."
Small boy : Mum, where did I come from?
Mother : Got sent you.
Small boy : And how about you, Mum, did God send you too?
Mother : Yes, honey.
Small Boy : And Grandma?
Mother : Yes.
Small Boy : And Great Grandma ?
Mother : Yes dear.
Small Boy : Mum, do you mean to tell me that there have been no sexual relations in this family for more than two hundred years ?
A patient man visited a doctor and said, " I have this penis problem ... something very embarrasing. I hope you wont laugh."
The doctor said, " No, I won't laugh."
"Promis ?" asked the patient.
"Yes, I promise," reassured the doctor. "It would be totally unprofessional of me to laugh at a patient's problem."
Then patient then unzipped his trousers and showed what the doctor thought to be the tinest penis he had ever seen. The doctor could not help himself and started roaring in hysterical laughter. And after a short while, he recollected usual tone, "What seems to be the problem?"
The patient answered, "It's swollen."
A man trying to understand the nature of God, asked him: "God, how long is a million years to you?"
God answered : " A million years is like a minute."
Then the man asked: "God, how much is a million dollars to you?
And God reply: "A million dollars is like a penny."
Finally the man asked : "God, could you give me a penny?"
And God said, "In a minute."
Ah Mei : What kind of flower is that?
Siti : Why, that's a chrysanthemum.
Ah Mei :Sure looks like a rose to me.
Siti : No, it's a chrysanthemum.
Ah Mei : Chrys ..... ? Spell it.
Siti : Khry .... Kris ...... Cris ... Ah Mei, you're right. It's a rose.
A married man was hacing an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around eight at night. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. When he entered the house, his wife demanded, "Where have you been?"
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we're been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up untul eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, " You lying bas***d! You've been playing golf! "
Losing a wife can be hard. In many men's cases, it's damn near impossible.
A man was run over by a hit-and-run driver. At the police station, the policeman asked him if he had gotten the car's plate number. "No," he replied, " but I'd recognize my wife's laughter anywhere."
Sorry if some jokes offended some people. Some maybe 18sx. Enjoy ....
